The pain has always been too raw, and inner the resistance too strong and the quiet space too limited to record the details.  I have no self-judgment on that.  Only great compassion for a grief-stricken mother.  I’m offering her a long tight hug and a stronger hand to squeeze.  There were moments that seemed suffocating and totally unbearable.  But we did bear them, dear girl.  So many turned up rearview mirrors so the other children didn’t have to be concerned about the red eyes and waterfalls of tears. The solo country drive sobs. I’m proud of us for surviving this.