Our Peaceful Hospital Birth Story, Part II
HERE WE GO AGAIN
(CONTINUED FROM PART I)
The next morning I woke up to my pre-5 a.m. alarm. There was a big snowstorm on the forecast. I called the hospital just like yesterday to see if we could come in. The nurse informed me they would have to postpone us again due to the high census on the labor and delivery floor. After all the emotions of yesterday, I took it in stride and called the midwife line to make a plan. I was given a message to go in to the OB clinic to meet her around 9 a.m. So we took the girls to school and the oldest slipped into her normal routine while the same friend as yesterday took the littlest into her care. My mom and I drove ahead in one car while Nicholas installed carseats in our friend’s car and followed a little later behind.
My sweet midwife greeted me with a smile and empathy about getting bumped twice. Since I had already been dilated at least 3 cm a few weeks ago, she suggested checking where things were at now so we could then decide what to do. With Nicholas holding my hand and both he and my midwife helping me with deep breathing (cervical checks are usually very painful for me), she determined I was at least 6 cm dilated now. Because this was considered advanced dilation, and because of my history of rapid labor, AND because a snowstorm was due that evening (we didn’t want me stuck at home having a baby with no help), my midwife said she was able to admit me to the birth center. It wouldn’t be safe or advisable to send me home.
I was going to go have our baby today! I was overwhelmed with emotion again and hot tears rolled down my face while we waited for her to call over to the hospital.
TO THE HOSPITAL
We went out to tell my mom the news. She had been praying (and telling the other people in the waiting room to pray) that I could have the baby today. So we all walked across the cold parking lot to the hospital and up to the third floor where the birthing center is. Once settled into a triage room and connected to the monitor, Nicholas went to move the car and bring in the bags. I answered health questions while we monitored contractions. By this point I had started to feel some stronger braxton hicks every once in a while (I wondered if the cervical exam triggered these?), but was astounded when the nurse looked at the reading and said I was actually having consistent contractions about 5 minutes apart. I went across the hall to go to the bathroom and noticed bright red bleeding.
As we were waiting for a labor and delivery room to open up, I started to feel more nervous and got out my rosary. I ate a cinnamon applesauce pouch and drank water. I put on my birthing time spotify playlist through my headphones and tried to practice more deep, slow breathing. These songs helped me actively place my trust in God again. I swayed and breathed while Nicholas rubbed my back.
LAST PREPARATIONS
Soon my midwife came in to tell me that she would have to leave soon, and that another midwife would be with me during our baby’s birth. I had really hoped she would get to deliver our baby as we had developed a trusting relationship throughout my prenatal care. She held my hand and gave me a beautifully encouraging pep talk, assuring me that this other midwife for some reason was supposed to attend this birth, and to trust that everything is happening as it should be. After a truly maternal hug, she left and we waited until a room would open up.
It was time to move into the room where my son would be born! The nurse asked more questions, Nicholas put on his swim trunks and set up the diffuser with lavender essential oils in the bathroom, and my mom brought out our battery-powered flickering candles. We put away bags in the cabinets and dimmed the lights. I was having mild contractions but nothing that distracted me from talking or moving. The new midwife arrived and after a little getting-to-know-you and chat about how it seems like my body is already in early labor, we decided she would check my cervix again. If it had not progressed beyond 6cm, she would break my water.
I requested a little bit of time to start my hypnobabies audio track (about hypnobabies here). As I knew things could get fast and furious after water breaking, I wanted to enter into self-hypnosis beforehand and ideally stay in it throughout the whole birthing time. During my pregnancy I had practiced the hypnobabies tracks as much as I was able, but it was nowhere close to the daily frequency recommended by the program. I didn’t know if it was going to be enough to “work,” but was hopeful and determined to try.
I got settled into the hospital bed and turned on my “easy first stage” track. In hypnobabies, you are able to enter into a deep self-hypnosis, but also go to a place where you are simultaneously able to move around and communicate with the birthing team. When I was ready, I let the nurses and midwife know I was ready for the cervical exam, and focused on the audio while breathing and trying to relax through the intense discomfort. I felt a big warm rush of liquid exit me onto the bed as the exam ended and the midwife informed me my water was now broken. I almost want to cry as I write that. Partly it’s a grieving of a completely non-intervention birth, and partly it’s a remembering that as the powerful moment of no turning back.
SAFE PLACE, BUBBLE OF PEACE
After the nurse changed the pads/towels under my bottom, I labored sitting propped up on the bed for a while, and entered a deeper and deeper state of hypnosis. I would describe it as going down by myself in a deep, comfortable safe cave, all the while knowing I could interact with the people up above whenever I needed to. The “distance” from the birthing room above was comforting and gave me a security my peace was protected down in there. I didn’t need to answer anyone immediately or pay attention to various noises going on around me, but could control or choose to react or interact on my timing (when a wave had subsided or when a guided visualization was transitioning). I felt confident Nicholas would model or remind any medical professionals to respect my response times.
For some reason I imagined emerald green cushions under and around me in this safe space, and the roof of the cave was painted like Our Lady of Guadalupe’s starry mantle. At one point I had visions of all the supportive people in my life on earth and several saints in heaven, one by one smiling with encouragement and filling me with gratitude.
I moved to sitting on the birthing ball at the end of the bed. Over the next hour or so the contractions/ birthing waves significantly intensified. I suddenly felt like I needed food and my mom handed me a couple fig cereal bars. I asked to use one of our backpacks to lean/rest my face on and felt the familiarity of how I practiced at home sitting on my birthing ball and resting my head on the arm of our couch.
I continued to follow the guidance and suggestions of this same audio track. I noticed that I was indeed “deeper and deeper relaxed” and actually welcoming the intensity of each oncoming wave while breathing out/saying “peaceeee” at the height of intensity. I used this “peace” cue a LOT. I remember the thought, “I think this is actually working.” During my previous births I was afraid/ resistant when I sensed a contraction coming as I experienced excruciating pain. Deep in hypnosis I was aware that the intensity of the contractions were on par with previous births, yet they weren’t being registered in my mind (body?) as painful.
DETERMINED FOCUS
Even though I wouldn’t label my laboring as “painful,” it was in no way “easy,” and I was acutely aware that I really needed to continually choose to focus and deliberately surrender my body, releasing all tension when exhaling. At one point I stood up into “slow dance position” with Nicholas, and his movements were distracting/ bothersome to me. I turned my attention to the annoyance, immediately felt great pain and sensed a surge of anxiety that I’d fall out of “my groove.” I willed my mind to refocus and returned quickly to my position on the ball. I liked it because I felt supported, yet it seemed to be making room for baby descending. I noticed several times more warm water gushing out onto the towel I was sitting on as a contraction hit its peak and released. This encouraged me that the waves were doing their job and moving my baby “down and out.”
For the majority of this time laboring focused and peacefully on the ball, Nicholas was at my request applying significant counter-pressure on my lower back with a heated clay pack (I’m pretty sure my mom ran it back and forth from the microwave down the hall). This was powerful for me, not only for the immense relief it gave, and the physical security of Nicholas’ presence it provided, but for how the heat connected to the hypnosis. A big part of hypnobabies is creating “hypnoanesthesia” and directing that anesthesia with your mind to where it is needed. It is imagined as a powerful, warm, orange light. This is when I began to have a profound encounter with Jesus.
PEACE I GIVE YOU
If you have seen the movie “Risen,” you may remember the scenes with Jesus near the Sea of Galilee and when he ascended into heaven. When the audio led me to my “safe place,” I felt like I was there in that landscape. I had the image of floating on my back peacefully next to Jesus floating on his. I was totally trusting my body into the calm water and felt an immense comfort in His presence. Then when the audio referred to the warm orange ball of hypnoanesthesia, I saw Jesus lovingly but quite aggressively hurling the bright ball of light at my womb. Each time, it would explode up and in and hot all around my body. There was an immense warmth wrapping around and squeezing me (kind of like those blood-pressure machines).
Again, I felt the intensity and immense strength of the sensation during the peak of the wave, but it was not overwhelming or frightening. I kept hearing the message “Peace I leave with you, Peace I give you” in Jesus’s strong and steady voice. I welcomed His peace and audibly breathed out “peaceeeee.” How unexpected all this was, and what a gift!
Nicholas later told me how amazed he was at how calm and relaxed I seemed. He saw I even smiled at times. He also said that I made it very clear to him not to stop the counterpressure, ha! He said his arms were killing him but there was no way he was going to stop and let me down. I know how good I had it to have him as my teammate.
CHANGING POSITIONS
At some point the midwife came to check in and while the nurse monitored baby’s heart for a bit, the midwife suggested I change positions. I didn’t really want to because I felt so calm and recalled starting to feel anxious when I had stood up earlier. She was concerned I was slowing labor by staying there. Though I don’t think she meant anything but to help me, I felt a twinge of defensiveness that I knew what was best for me and didn’t want to be rushed. I also thought it was very possible that since on the outside I appeared so relaxed, it may have seemed that things were not progressing (though I was sure they were). As soon as I felt that twinge of irritation, though, I also had a more humble thought, “well, she has a lot of experience with this, I might as well try to switch it up and see if that helps us get closer to meeting baby.”
As soon as I started standing at the edge of the bed, I felt a lot more intense pressure of baby’s head and body moving down. When a very strong wave would come, I’d lean onto the bed on my forearms so I could still “let go” of much of my weight in the exhaling. I’d try to stay focused in between waves while standing and “swaying” him down. One of the birthing affirmations that resonated with me was thinking/ encouraging my body, “open, down and out… open, down and out.”
I was super aware throughout all this time how much I needed to keep my mind disciplined on listening to and following the audio track so that I wouldn’t become “derailed.” I don’t know if that would have actually happened, but my mind was actively working to urge my body on, very much like it had done many times in the past with distance running. I see now what good mental training that was! I learned I was capable of such determination and focus.
After only a handful of these standing waves, I began feeling slight urge to bear down at the end of a contraction. The midwife had requested several times to make sure I’d tell her when I wanted to push. They had already filled the birthing tub half-full and would finish filling it up when I knew it was time.
I hesitated at first to tell anyone that I might want to start pushing a little. Even though deep down I would say I was pretty certain that the urge to bear down was beginning, I had doubts that it was time… honestly because I wasn’t in distressing pain! Part of my brain was remembering my previous births and the overwhelmingly painful transition stage, and I think I was looking for cues of a similar experience. I gave myself two more contractions to really tune in attentively to what my uterine and pelvic floor muscles were telling me. That’s all it took to take a leap and verbally announce, “ok, let’s fill up the tub. I want to go to the bathroom and then get in.”
GETTING IN THE TUB
Since my eyes were closed and I was so deeply in the zone, I don’t remember who did what or what exactly happened on the way to the tub. I have a vague memory of peeing in the toilet, Nicholas being at my right, and telling the midwife in front of me as I stood up how I felt really gassy. She said something about that being good and how this could be things getting out of the way to push baby out. I switched the audio track on my phone to the “pushing stage” and unplugged the headphones to hear it played aloud on the sink counter.
Getting into the warmth of the tub was just so wonderful. People ask me all the time why I am attracted to water births. Water just helps relax my body so SO much, and I know that is the best place for me to be– relaxed, to attempt a natural birth.
I was pretty immediately aware when I got in the water that I wanted to start pushing. I don’t remember hearing anymore of the audio track. Nicholas soon got in the tub with me and sat in the same spot he did during our last water birth. It gave me comfort and I assured myself, “ok, we have done this before, I can do this again!”
BABY COMING AT LAST
I began deliberately bearing down at the end of each contraction. It all started to feel overwhelming, like my body was taking over but it still really needed me…my mind…my strength…my heart… all of me to engage and step into the enormity of the moment.
I alternated between leaning back into Nicholas’s chest and kneeling while holding onto his neck.
In the leaning back position I used the handrail, Nicholas’s hand/arm and a nook in the tub as a footrest to anchor my body while pushing. I used low groaning and tonal noises until the midwife suggested I could also try silent pushing. For some women it’s helpful to push out with the “oomph” of loud sounds while others, by keeping sounds in, use them as internal energy to put towards pushing. I tried it a few times. It took so much out of me to push, though, and I kept saying that I didn’t feel like I could get a deep enough breath to push hard enough to move him. The midwife had me reach down to see if I could feel his head and I could! I laughed with joy and said, “my baby!”
In the kneeling position, I held on to Nicholas’ neck for dear life and rested my head on his between waves. I experienced a profound connection to my beloved spouse in this moment! This baby was created in our gift to each other and now we were bringing him into this world! Whispering, “I love you…I love you…” at one point I kissed him.
Another moment between contractions, I smiled in exhaustion and said, “c’mon baby! I want to see you!” Nicholas encouraged me in my ear as it was getting more and more intense and I struggled to give anything more to the wave. Days later he told me he thought I was going to break his nose at one point from how hard I was pushing up against his face.
WELCOMING
Again, it is fascinating to me how I can honestly say that I was not in pain this time. My previous natural births during transition and crowning, I truly felt like my bones and skin were ripping open, in an excruciating and overwhelming fire. This time, I felt a massive, extreme intensity as baby’s head crowned and I pushed with every ounce of what I had. His head came out to my excitement, but the rest of his body would not release. I kept pushing with everything and it felt like an eternity, him not budging. I shouted to my midwife, “get. him. OUT!!!!!!!” She calmly answered, “I don’t pull babies out, YOU get to birth your baby. YOU get to do it, YOU can do it. PUSH!”
It still took about three more every-single-thing-I’ve-got pushes before I felt is body start wiggling and burst through into the water! He was whisked up onto my chest as I turned around and fell back into Nicholas’ chest. The midwife later told me, that this was one of the most moving moments she has ever seen… me completely spent, falling back into my husband’s protective arms with our baby finally in mine.
ALL THAT FOLLOWED
Baby was purple and quiet as they rubbed him and used the bulb to suck liquid away. I was concerned and kept asking probably a dozen times, “Is he ok? Is he ok? Will someone tell me if this is normal, is he alright?” Nicholas and the nurses and my mom kept saying he was fine, but I had to say again, “NO. I need someone to tell me he is okay!” Baby boy started crying and the midwife said “yes! I want you to look at your baby… look at him and enjoy this moment!” I calmed down and held him close with inexplicable joy.
After a few short minutes, the cord was cut and baby was wrapped up and given to Nicholas while I was helped out of the tub. Right away I felt that big urge to have a bowel movement, an indication that the placenta was wanting to be birthed next. I waddled with assistance to the bed and as the nurses tried to help me sit down, I said, “NO! I can’t!” They tried again and I thought, “Nope! Sorry guys, it’s coming out now” while pushing the placenta out in one big swoosh, a nurse half-catching it in a plastic bin.
I was then helped onto the bed while the midwife checked out the lady area. This is always such a difficult part for me. I would need some stitches. Even if I totally trust the medical professional, my body wants to fight anyone who comes near that area after giving birth. So we asked for nitrous oxide to help with the anxiety through the procedure. My mom held my hand while Nicholas held the baby. Using laughing gas is such a wild experience! It’s SO helpful and I wholeheartedly recommend it to other mothers considering it as a tool. Especially as it doesn’t stay in your system or ever get to the baby if you’re concerned about that. I said some pretty funny things apparently, and when I would hear the baby cry while waiting for me, I would smile big under the gas mask and shout, “that’s my baby!”
As the laughing gas wore off, I got to finally hold my son and behold his beautiful face with Nicholas grinning by my side.
Then one of my favorite moments of the whole day… I turned to my mom, told her what an amazing support she was, and then asked how she was doing after it all. With big eyes and an exhale she half-joked, “Uh, I could use a DRINK!” What a day. What a year.
The snow started falling that evening and we brought our tiny treasure home on a quiet Thanksgiving Day.
BIRTHING RESOURCES
Thank you for reading and sharing in our joy! Click items below to see my birthing recommendations. Some links are affiliate links, which means I may get a small commission at no cost to you.
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