The Start of Our Story

A Brief Background

After graduating from a large state university in Florida, I prepared to move to the DC area for graduate studies in clinical psychology. Before moving, I kept having a thought in prayer to try a year long dating fast. It’s a weird concept to many people, but the purpose would be to give myself a nice period of time focused on adjusting to a huge change, my studies, and rooting my identity more in God, rather than trying to “meet someone.”

After a year, I started discerning more seriously a possibility that I might have a calling to religious life.  As studies would allow, I went on weekend retreats, visited different communities, and stayed with one in particular for a week, immersing myself in the sisters’ prayer schedule and work life. It was beautiful. 

My heart rejoiced while participating in the rhythms of prayer, in the times of silence, and in the profound moments serving those in need. I was eager and open to whatever path God would lead me down.  I asked God in prayer to show me His loving plan for my life, where specifically he wanted me to give my heart.

After my week-long visit, I hoped there would be great clarity.  Rather than an obvious YES or NOPE, it seemed like He was giving me more of a quiet, (but clear), “not yet” or “not now.” I remember sharing this with my sister in a sushi place in NYC, visiting her after my stay with the sisters.  I felt hot tears streaming down my face as she listened lovingly. My heart longed to give itself totally in love to another. It was a painful longing in the waiting, to be in the middle of the “not now.”

A Shift

One of the sisters who helped with vocational discernment met with me before I completed my visit.  After listening to my history and experience and asking a few good questions, she suggested considering being open to dating for a bit. It was now Autumn, and I intentionally decided to take her advice to be more open to dating.  For this homebody, that meant I would choose to participate more in social opportunities, even (especially!) if I felt nervous or uncomfortable or just not interested.

Surprise, Surprise

Only weeks later, a group of friends was getting on their costumes for a Halloween party.  I received some texts urging me to join, and I had some serious resistance to going this particular evening.  Parties were far from this introvert’s favorite thing, and I most definitely was not loving the idea of making an effort to come up with a costume.

I could not escape my own reminders in my head that I had resolved to push myself socially.  I also truly had nothing, no excuse, of needing to do anything on this particular evening. Reluctantly, after a few texts back to the friends dressing up as Peter Pan characters, it was decided I could easily go as Peter Pan’s shadow, simply wear all black.  Ok, perfect!

It was a small house party, and I knew most of the people there from my school, so I made myself some mint tea in the kitchen then relaxed into comfortable chit chat. At some point a dark-haired handsome guy came into the small kitchen area.  He was dressed as a sea captain and I said a “hi” as we crossed paths. He said to me apologetically, “I’m sorry I don’t remember your name…” I responded, “oh we haven’t met before, I’m Serra Ann.”

Now Nicholas has always been emphatically certain that I initially said “Hi Nicholas,”  causing that embarrassed feeling in his gut of “oh no, we have met before and I don’t remember her.” I, on the other hand,  have always been quite convinced I didn’t include his name in my hello… how could I if I didn’t know who he was? Regardless of who has the correct version in their memory, Nicholas was at that point “intrigued” at the familiar way I greeted him, and thought, “who is this woman? I’m going to find out!”

We had a few good conversations here and there throughout the evening.  I remember Nicholas smiling a lot and asking good questions. He was a theology teacher, and I could tell from our chats that he had a real missionary spirit and love for his students. I noticed a refreshing maturity about him and recall thinking how encouraging it was to know there was a solid guy out there teaching high schoolers the faith.  After that night, though, this close-to-stranger left my mind.

I was surprised a week or so later to hear a rich, masculine, voice on my voicemail.  I had recently been using a new phone and was checking my old number’s voicemail one last time before shutting it down for good.  It was Nicholas Fonte, sharing he had enjoyed our conversation the other night, and wondering if I’d like to continue it over coffee sometime.  “Call me back and let me know either way… if yes, great, if no, I can take it like a man, just please let me know!” Now here’s a confident guy!

First Date

He came by to pick me up after classes one Thursday evening.  I styled my hair into a low, side messy bun and wore dark skinny jeans, a grey sweater, and an emerald-colored silk floral scarf.  Simple and cute.

I opened the door to a big smiley face and without thinking twice, gave Nicholas a quick friendly hello hug. He remembers being surprised by that, as DC girls apparently aren’t big huggers. He was dressed in a spiffy button-down and dress pants combo (and made sure to tell me he had just come from work, so I wouldn’t think he had overdressed for coffee).  Nicholas opened doors like a gentleman and we had a nice light chat on the way to my favorite coffee shop down the road.

He ordered a small black coffee and a granola bar, I asked for a mint tea. We settled across from each other at a small table along the far wall, while behind me at the front window, a large geriatric jazz band began to set up for their evening show. We talked for a while and periodically paused to enjoy the performance… these senior musicians were really really really good.  

We continued our conversation and at some point,  Pat, a bright-lipsticked 80-year old superstar started singing “A Good Man is Hard to Find.”  Every time she’d sing that line, Nicholas would stop mid-sentence and say with a mischievous eye twinkle, “It’s TRUE, you know!”  It made me laugh! I learned the basics of Nicholas’ story, and one thing he shared after another resonated deeply with my own values and interests.  It wasn’t too long before a loud thought flashed in my mind:

“uh oh. This guy might end up being the one.” 

The Question

Ten months into a beautiful courtship, on the feast of the Queenship of Mary, we started a date with some silent time in prayer inside our empty church.  Afterward, we walked outside to visit the statue of Our Lady of Guadalupe, which was surrounded by bright peach-colored rose bushes. To my total surprise, a gorgeous blue engagement ring was there waiting at her feet.  I gasped when I saw it and turned to see Nicholas on his knee. I let out a second gasp! With a big smile and just few words, he asked me to be his wife. Speechless, we embraced and I repeatedly nodded into his chest. It was the start of our story and I love it.